Most often I encountered so many questions, from the early start of my work here in the PNP. Part of the questions that was asked by a psychologist during my neuro oral interview was “Why are you still single?” “Are you a lesbian? I could not help but burst into laughter at that moment, I even thought I would loss my appointment.
Another man asked me why I am not yet married? Or am I already attached and have a common relationship with a guy here in Manila? and still many questions that I often encountered almost every day in the office, instead of giving them a hard look, I just simply shrugged my shoulders. My age and my marital status are often brought up during small talks, and that is inevitable specially that I am surrounded with men-in-uniform.
Upon learning that I am already 33 years old and still single, they usually say maybe I am too picky with my choices of a guy, with the tone of their remarks, they seem so sorry for me.
People think, at my age and as a woman, I am too picky. I find no reason why they usually make such assumption, and it seemed that they would like to imply that I am not anymore in the position to be overly picky because of my age. But there are also some cool people, specially my real friends who would always tell me to take my time and enjoy life. I understand that getting married and having kids ranked No.1 priority of each one’s life, and that marriage happens before 30 years old when our child-bearing abilities are at their prime. Honestly, I really never thought about it even before until recently, because, accordingly, it is the normal thing. But who can define “normal” for anyone?
Just yesterday, my boss called me to his office, I thought there was a big issue concerning the office, much of my dismay he just asked about my love life. Recently, I started praying again for the man of my life. Now, at 33, and at the peak of the glaring issues of marriage, I realized that God often does not give what we want but what we need instead. I am not trying to defend myself from the inevitable issue of being “single”, but, if I am meant to be married now, there should have series of prearranged events that would lead me to that. Maybe, I am just to be careful of the choices I am trying to make, after all, I really want to have it as a lifetime commitment, I really, really like the idea of being married but definitely I could not imagine myself settling for less. There are lots of marriages that never ended up in a “happily ever after”. Some people are miserably married, some are luckily married, while some are truly happily married. And as of my age, and as of my personal view, I want to be married out of pure love and commitment. I personally value commitment, love, respect and responsibility more than anything else than signing a piece of paper. I want to go with the process of getting into love and commitment, because at the end is that what makes it beautiful and magical. I simply want to do things for the right reason not because of the peer pressure. After all, it’s not the people surrounding me who will suffer if my marriage failed, but it will always be “me”. I just want to feel it right. And what is right for me at this point, is to wait for the right moment when it will bound to happen, because if I am meant to be married, for sure, I would be. And I personally believe in it.